This is for the woman who is sitting in her bed with her hands over her face wanting to give up. If no one has told you that you are loved today, I love you. You ARE strong. You DO matter.
• 164 Hospital/Doctors visits
• 174 I.V Hydration’s
• 15 Doctors with no cure
• 7 Medication trials
If you are a woman who has encountered the horror’s of this pregnancy condition, I am sure you can relate to my next few words… WHERE IS THE GLOW?
You hear it all of the time… When you get pregnant, your skin is supposed to shine like nobody’s business, you’re expected to have a supernatural super human glow to you that no other woman would normally have.
With Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I never got the glow. I got pale and paler with the occasional popped blood vessels in my eyes and the amazing popped blood vessels that look like huge hicky’s all over my face and neck from the pressure of vomiting so hard.
Every morning, whether I was in extreme discomfort from HG or not, I had the task of walking my five year old to school every morning. I had the constant pressure of wanting my baby boy’s very first year of big boy school memorable and I wanted to do it right. I tried the best I could every morning to put a smile on my face and some days were harder than others due to me being so weak I could barely get out of my bed.
The morning’s were mostly the same each day. I would wake up, pop my pills and sit at the edge of my bed. I would wait. This could go one of two ways, my stomach would settle the pills, or I was running to the bathroom. I always had the same prayer… “Please God, let me hold down these pills so I can function today. Please Lord, make me strong. Take this away from me. Cure me. Please don’t let me die.”. I don’t know about you, but the constant fear of wondering if today was my last day lingered in my mind. I was told that my heart was being overworked. I had the luxury of not just having severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum, but severe Preeclampsia (high blood pressure in pregnancy) and my heart was being over worked by the combination of the two.
I met a lot of nurses. My dialogue for explaining my condition and severity was getting old to me. 9 months of repeating myself and trying to convince people to take me serious was emotionally exhausting. I wanted it to end. You’re not supposed to feel this way when you’re pregnant. Pregnancy is supposed to be amazing and beautiful. For me it was like a battle. My body was winning and I was slowly deteriorating. At one point, I went 2.5 weeks without being able to hold down any food or water. I lost 40 pounds. I was told to eat ginger, to “just eat something, even a cracker”, and I was at the lowest point of my whole life. Many times I would contemplate whether or not I would even want to wake up for another day, but I would see my sweet baby boy staring into my eyes and wanting to be near me at all times and I would feel the kicking of my baby girl inside of my belly and I knew I needed to remain strong and live. I NEEDED TO LIVE.
When I would go to my I.V hydration appointments, I would be running to my car and throwing up in the bushes next to it. Needless to say, NOTHING HELPED. You can’t just send me on my jolly way by filling my veins with fluids. I am sick. I feel like I might die.