I was in a haze. The drugs they gave me this time made my body paralyzed. I just had an allergic reaction to an anti nausea medication, just my luck, and my body started seizing up. I couldn’t move and lost control. Now I was under heavy sedatives to calm my body down and then I heard your voice.
Have you ever just sat outside and listened? You didn’t have your phone. You just had your ears and you sat there and took in your surroundings.
I heard waves. Birds were talking to one another in a beautiful poetic tone. I sat there and sank it all in. The sun beating on my pale cheeks. I closed my eyes. I didn’t wanted to leave this place. I just got out of the hospital and knew I was pushing myself by going on a family vacation to a beach house 2.5 hours away from home. The car ride was a struggle, but this view and scenery was well worth it. I was sitting on a cement ledge overlooking a golf course that had the ocean in the background. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be sitting there, pregnant and all with my belly hanging half way over my knees and my legs dangling down, but for the first time since I was diagnosed, I felt peace. It was cold and windy, but in between wind patterns I felt the beating of the sun steadily on my body and it warmed me.